Allow Me To Introduce Myself

Braden Allen McBride, born January 4th, '94, in Corpus Christi to be relocated to Tynan then to Batesville, 2000, one sibling, Madison, '97.
throughout my younger years, because of limited exposure to the world, the motivation behind everything was to please the parents, those who provided for and did everything for me (entire baseball career, Boy Scouts, etc.; because of Dad's pushing) (when I was forced to order for myself at a restaurant, that's when my innocence died). it was only in junior high that I realized I am, actually, my own person - holy expletive. still thinking, of course, that parents knew best (as I'm sure their repetition claiming so has 'come true, though their advice often clashes with my mindset/theories/self), continued to enroll myself in the advance classes (english and math only), never really caring but, attributing this to the angst inherent in all of my age group, discovered when I discovered writing and drawing recreationally, doing as best as possible, allowing significant time for laziness, gaming, homies, etc. up to last year, homework was a priority, my future and parental wrath the motivation. It is in high school I burned out. I am interested in the advanced english classes because of the only thing I seem to be remotely good at, I seem to have a remote passion for, is that aforementioned writing, and, therefore (due to the weird logic I've developed) illustrating; I continue in advanced math because I am (I think) genuinely interested (was, at least). I do what's assigned me as best as possible, but stubbornness and lack of caring sometimes prevents this (the delay in getting this homework done due to the fact I couldn't get past the introduction to the book). As any friend of mine will testify to, my greatest aspiration now is to be a bum. Do not let this discourage you of me though; kick me out of the class because of grades if it comes to that, not because of attitude (can't/won't change it until circumstances call for it, if ever (plannin' on having to be slapped HARD by life, inevitable wake-up call, made peace with this, hahaha)).
strengths (perceived): taking orders (unless conflicting with my values, ideals, etc.; even then, I am (sometimes kinda) good at suckin' it up and gettin' it done). writing. sitting. staring. reading (if remotely interested).
weaknesses: flawed perceptions. bad attitude.
humor: favorite media: Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Simpsons, American Dad, Step Brothers, Anchorman, Xavier: Renegade Angel, Squidbillies - warped version of what has become the comedic norm (the excess of mentally challenged commercials (DQ, Old Spice (though O.S. was one of the originals to capitalize on the recently evolved, widespread sense of humor and Bruce Campbell is amazing))
not fishing for pity; being overweight tripled with the bad attitude and my several medical problems (minor scoliosis, required to wear a minor prosthetic in one shoe, (")growing sideways("), dos aortic chambers instead of the anatomically correct three) - stress is derived from anger and, despite being generally laid back, I bottle a lot of intense emotion. trying to address the questions from the relative standpoint of education; the forced technological methods of turning in assignments very easily completed using pen and paper usually provokes murmurs of disgust during class 'tween me and a bro of mine, who will remain nameless for his sake
no dreams or aspirations, really
no nightmares, really - I physically shudder at the site of and it is required of me to distance myself from even the thought or sight of a picture of centi/milli pedes (you know there is a species of one of 'em that will grab a scorpion by the effing tail and dominate it?! noooo thank you)

Top Ten Reads for 2012

Going After Cacciato
Tim O'Brien
1974
352pp
To be clear and established 'thin the first one, I could not get behind the man who wrote the assigned text enough to take much of anything he said seriously. His commentary on this novel, his explanation of the basic plot and the way in which the story unfolds (the catalyst bein' madness) - this book seems like it would appeal ideally to the type of reading I've been wanting to find, no book really grabbing my attention lately. A blend of reality and fantasy, the narrator unable to distinguish between, apparently takes the reader on a fantastic journey and I wanna be a part of it.

Kidnapped
Robert Louis Stevenson
1886
224pp
My grandad, still alive though dead to the world, left my dad a few things apparently meant for me; a spoon and a book among them. I tried to read Kidnapped in elementary, not so successfully, despite there being incredibly simple footnotes within the version I possess. Figured I should go ahead and read it this year, as I will need as well-rounded a mental library as possible, since Treasure Island was quite the (expletive).

Catch-22
Joseph Heller
1961
453pp
From all the descriptions I've read and heard, this book resembles One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, which is, possibly, the best book I've ever read. I attempted to read this book last year and could not follow it, so much going on and constantly introducing new characters. With the aforementioned test waiting for me at the end of this year, though, it would surely be beneficial to have this book in my repertoire, so I shall try again.

The Waste Land
T.S. Eliot
1922
300pp
Last year I "read" Howl by Ginsberg (that is, the majority of it and in the sense that the words were mentally plodded through, not much understanding taking place (I finally realized some of what he was trying to say thanks to James Franco's portrayal)) and, it is in this year, I hope to tackle the greatest poem in English in the 20th century - especially! due to the fact that Eliot understood and invites those ignorant to what he is trying to say to still read him, if not to "just get lost in the words."

On Bullshit
Harry G. Frankfurt
2005
68pp
Oftentimes I feel as though there is indeed an overabundance of the subject matter, infiltrating every aspect of life. I want to read this to be able to validate or change my opinions and just to be able to say I have read such a book. Despite being written by a renown moral philosopher, that species that, unless written in the most convoluted way possible, the title "renown" is inapplicable, it can't be too hard to read a book barely over 50 pages.

The Crying of Lot 49
Thomas Pynchon
1966
152pp
Again, because I could not get interested in the book the man wrote, I do not put much into his opinions. However, in the pursuit of anything different, to broaden my horizons, why I very seldomly read anything written before 2000, the apparently challenging text, though no doubt enough to put me off reading it 'fore I can even get it started, as I am a bit of a spark plug, seems attractive enough to me and

Breaking Open the Head: A Psychedelic Journey into the Heart of Contemporary Shamanism
Daniel Pinchbeck
2002
336pp
Having "read" DMT: The Spirit Molecule (only so much can be absorbed without medical training), originally reserving this spot for one of the more "deep" books of Huxley, this volume grabbed my attention more, as "the best part of this book is the message that really gets driven home to the heart of who we are, the potential of what we have yet to learn about ourselves, something humankind has barely scratched the surface of-- which he saves for the few chapters toward the end," a quote from a reader that seems to hit nearer the head than any other comment on a book I've thus far found of what I long for in literature/knowledge/etc. (refusing to be yet another pawn in the secular, meaningless crapfest life has apparently become)

The Wisdom of the Knowing Ones: Gnosticism: The Key to Esoteric Christianity
Manly P. Hall
2000
170pp
Turning more and more from the countless reruns of the cartoons I so adore to the channels of Science, Discovery, History, a program on the lost books of the Bible grabbed my attention and revealed to me the existence of Gnosticism. The corruption that apparently exists within orthodox Christianity today having sprouted waay back in the attempted eradication of Gnosticism leads me to think that Gnosticism may be the more righteous denomination since it was targeted because of politics, something religion should not be remotely involved with. In my self-proclaimed quest for enlightenment/self-realization/whatever other label my confused psyche wants to put to it, this seems to be a milestone worth stopping at.

Watership Down
Richard Adams
1972
494pp
One of the best movies of all time, if not THE, "Donnie Darko," places heavy emphasis on this story, apparently because of the deeper meaning, as, from what I've heard, this is not a story to be read as it is written - the rabbits are us, for example - though mainly because of Donnie's "friend" Frank. I want to read this to get more from the movie and, of course, to dabble in different genres in different times in different themes in preparation.

Siddhartha
Herman Hesse
1922
152pp
One of my brothers (a homie of mine whom I love) who recently dropped out of school read this and said I should so I'm inclined to believe him as we influenced each other quite significantly. A(expletive)gain, this story of rejecting your birthright, refusing to go the course wished of you for some sort of higher purpose appeals to me and, as I can't stand modern writing and must make trouble for myself in trying to read older works that may be over my head, has filled the final spot in what I wish to read this year.

Reading Assignment VII

What does the story signify? Haha, life and the components of that most touched Laura and company, what is any story about? Mentioned several times throughout, shone in her meeting with the workingmen, evident in her struggle and questioning with her like-minded family and herself, those "absurd class distinctions," once realized to be (one of) the governing force(s) of one's life, will, of course, begin to be questioned and dissected, diagnosing the self with a(n) (semblance of) identity. Sometimes feelings are just that, fleeting moments/sensations of emotion, to be validated or rejected by the self or the trusted ones. Why mess with what's in no need of repair? There's no denying the real world, but when the only connections 'tween it and yourself are as tenuous as those over-exposed photographs in newspapers, when it hardly concern or want/need you, what's the point in approaching it at the (ironic) cocktail party of life? Why break from comfortability to try, probably futilely, awkwardly, to converse with one who has no interest in you until circumstances are such that you two are forced to become acquainted, possibly through those newspapers? Ah, life, captured and symbolized in all those details coming before and sprinkled throughout the "actual" elements of the story; so complex and beautiful; perception affects every thing.
The thought of and then the hesitation to share the lillies, because of potential wardrobe malfunctions, unacceptable, with those in need; executed because of that class distinction. Far-fetched enough that these snobs from atop the hill feel pity enough to bring the scraps from their day of pleasure to those in, now, total poverty (as I'm certain the widow was a home-maker (...because of the time period)), to brighten the wake with greedy flowers, poaching all attention and affection, that's crost the line. Mrs. Sheridan realizes this, as Laura does on her journey. What's to be done? The real world often divides itself according to the population. Realizing, understanding where the proverbial DMZ ends and crossing it, to trek into a brave new world cautiously, these are two different things, the latter a thing unable to be asked of those such as Laura.

the hesitation to party or not, broken by the "laughter" of the other members
the comparisons to the "bird-dom" of the privileged was duly noted, unable to be applied to those in poverty as it was thought the lifestyle allowed the richies to transcend to the "external beauty of angels on earth" though it was thought that those at the bottom of the hill were also "birds," but trapped in their own bodies, unable to fluorish, wings clipped because of circumstances, environment
A lot of what was explained in detail by those "scholars" I alluded to, said without saying, got the same point across, putting much more detail in other factors - a perceived "fault" with my writing for which I surely pay in assessments others make of me, based on nothing more than a fragment of writing

The comparison 'tween the two heroines validates my ideal that this was a story of self-realization, so maturity. The fertility part was lost on me until revealed (a teenage boy who does not see sex in everything as this adult professor does, wow) but yes, this sound comparison confirmed some of my thinking and enlightened me on some other aspects.

Reading Assignment VI (Chapter 21)

Archetype: a form of cliche so different from the standard forms in which this occurrence (usually) manifests (a black cat crossin' the street 'fore your eyes) that, rather than the feeling of ironic nausea, as common with cliche, a feeling of significance, in a number of ways, accompanies the realization of; generally, what gives the feeling of significance of an archetype, that without the certain presentation of, would be just another cliche, surely, is that presentation, the language of the author in conveying that which slightly resembles past pieces of the story, that which, somewhat because of this, grabs our attention so "The Eyes of the Dragon," a sort of prequel to the Dark Tower, reflects so significantly the basic fairy tale outline that, of course, the original archetype cannot be established. A king is murdered, a mage plots, a prince is wrongfully accused and convicted, sentenced to reside in, haha, a huge, nondescript tower. So well does this book call upon these cliches, while retaining a pretty original story, that those cliches are made exponentially more powerful to the reader; archetypes are nothing more than an author embedding material unoriginal in their own works, daring readers to recognize and make connections.


A lightning bolt that dominates the forehead, rests atop rounded spectacles, surveying all, utilizing the attractive force of "DIFFERENT" being screamed in all viewer's heads, despite the renowned etiquette of British society. The origin of this stigma, if remembered correctly, was from the confrontation with Voldemort while he was an infant, this depriving him of his parents and creating for him a stalker, a Goliath to be faced later, preparation for which prepared and enacted for him by the sympathetic administration of his school. All those he comes across are mesmerized by that scar, an incredibly powerful force of nature manifest on a young man's face, a young man able to tap into, for lack of a better word, the supernatural. An adolescent's transformation to an adult, all the while knowing from being informed by others that he is indeed destined for greatness; being a children's series, certain subtleties and methods of writing would be inapplicable - hence the quite apparent abnormality, in no way debilitating, not too repulsive; again, destined for greatness, different, significant, Harry Potter (this amazing scar cancelling out the plain-ness of his name).

Reading Assignment V (Chapter 17)

In a great number of older movies, the cliche was established to show a couple before a fire on a bearskin rug getting ready to get busy; just before actual action, the camera pans to the drapes.
This, while insulting to the expectant perverts (Peewee) in the audience, who are then turned off (of the story) and are no longer invested, justifies the films' being called "romance" and not "porno," and deeply impacts the participants, the woman getting clingy and the man getting angry, taking it out on bowling pins, only to reconcile later, having learned about gender differences and love.

Reading Assignment IV (Chapter 14)

Frankenstein (pulled details from story, not specific source)

1) not crucified, burned in a windmill; no noticeable, significant wounds in the appendages, but all limbs wounded... because they're dead

2) constant agony; justification for why he sounds so heartbreakingly constipated - angry at no relief

3) according to the most recent "Van Helsing" movie, he sacrificed a painful escape, a continuation of torment to be with his recently dead daddy

4) hahaha... if they would ever approach, he'd want them to touch his face and smile - be comforted

5) bad with fire, so good with water; with his life and body as it is, if he thought to, I'm sure he'd be good with wine; big man, so good with food (presumably)

6) the combined ages of his parts probably equaled to a multiple of 33

7) not applicable

8) when is he ever known to move any way other than by stumbling and hobbling?

9) depending on the time of creation, 1800 or 2222, he could walk through water with ease

10) yes

11) yes

12) "alive" in a living hell... yes

13) his daddy was a graverobber

14) inspiration for many metaphors, similes, slurs

15) dug up to achieve "life" in, let's say, three days (lotta prep work to actually MAKE a zombie)

16) not applicable

17) very angry... first step to being forgiving

18) came to show true humanity isn't always pretty

Reading Assignment III (Chapter 11)

Authors craft contenders, build the arena, and let what may come come, sometimes provoking, sometimes not. In "A Clockwork Orange," Alex, thinking his henchmen got his back, commences to terrify the lone woman whose house they have trespassed to, cat-and-mousing 'til he kills her; not that this bit of violence affects him too much, but the shock of what has happened, the feeling of unease that the easily eluded, therefore irritated, law is on the way, coupled with his debilitation, at the chain of Dim no less!, though the tension was clear for all to viddy. So Alex kills, so Burgess can justify his being sent to prison, his volunteering for a radical new rehabilitation method (though there is no justification for Kubrick's raping of the story, apparently allowed by Burgess, though he is remorseful of it) - to allow for the story to have multiple Parts instead of One; the serial killer in "The Alienist" works according to an oblong set of cogs arranged and energized by Carr. In "1984," Winston, enjoying the company of "his woman" as often as possible in the squalid hovel, second floor, designated "penetration point," "bush boulevard," (reference to the film, ewwy, apologies) is suddenly thrust into the maw of everyone's sadistic elder sibling, his love assaulted in front of then taken away from him; though her "death" may not be absolute, when he is told it is, it is very real to the completely broken, currently tortured pseudo-martyr and it is an act of malice plotted and executed by Orwell that begins Winston's crag-filled fall, him being flung from the "peace" he had fathomed by a flick of the quill. Kesey's hero in OFOtCN is strangled by the narrator, out of mercy in context of the story, actually out of an understanding by Kesey that to have a "happy ending," sometimes the disciple must calmly relieve the guru - to enhance the freedom gained by Chief, felt by all the boys, living or not (as an Indian, he gained a few more spirit guides through the climax).

Reading Assignment II (Chapter 8)

Intertextuality: the concept of recognizing an author's implication that his (") original (") work is related to a prior, usually well-known work, be it by story dynamics, character qualities, whatever

Roland "The Gunslinger" : Winston ("1984")
"lone" heroes both forced by uncontrollable forces surrounding (being immune to the rules of reality, space, time just as horrifying as living in a completely subdued stat; vulnerable to the throes of the Dark Tower - fodder for Big Brother) to endure different forms of "dementia"

Alex, leader of the droogs ("A Clockwork Orange") : The Walkin Dude ("The Stand")
manifestations of evil, both, who, as every successful dictator/manipulator of man before, corrupted the minds of a few weaker individuals, who both endured the most testing trials to their character, who both survived to plot, and, hopefully, carry out more, even greater acts of bad


"Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas" : Alice
Hunter S. Thompson as the individual, jumped down the rabbit hole, completely disoriented in the strange world (quite impressive levels of intoxication juxtaposed to innocence because of age being hilarious), his lawyer and her cheshire/chechire/whatever-er cat appearing every now and then, to offer advice and to present new problems our heroines (haha) must overcome to persevere and survive their stays in Wonderland; Thompson has a deadline to work toward and predestined acts to commit, while Alice is completely clueless, at the whim of her survival skills and ability to decipher who her friends are (being so clouded as blind by intoxicants, her feebleness becomes his); both journeys are fantastic, twisted and extremely funny

FALiLV being a "purely" journalistic endeavor, it is highly unlikely, especially since the book was transcribed from audio recordings made on the spot, while the events were happening, that such a connection as I have found was conscious on his part; a reach on mine or proof of the "One Story"?

Reading Assignment I

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" (focused on story, not story OR movie)

1) Our questor: a young rascal (adult, around 30 years of age), (probably righteously) imprisoned in an insane asylum; refuses to bend to the will of the overseers

2) A place to go: from the first scene of the movie, R.P.M. casually mocks the system that wants to break, er, "rehabilitate," (as best as possible, by any means necessary...) him but offers little in the way of actual resistance (goes with the flow; a laid-back bronco, not really scornful of the captors but stubborn as its cousin in rejecting riders); unable to take his ordeal seriously (the steed has the intelligence inherent in its relative), because of a lack of caring, he agrees to be given room, board and medication but strives to retain, and, perhaps, regain (total) freedom while incarcerated

3) A stated reason to go there: along with the usual games of "chance" (card games, "Bet I can lift that," and so on), Randall traps himself in an ever increasingly life-threatening (in several senses) bet - that he can get to the Big Nurse 'fore she can him

4) Challenges and trials: the nature of this significant mission strived at by such a charismatic jester causes this champion to create and scale his own milestones; a level-headed Irish hot-head butts heads with manipulative Ratched, whose charges include her boys and staff members, acting as sentries and guard: how to throw a bash with booze and girls when every portal is locked and, despite distracted (and "greedy"), archers at the ready, how to take the boys fishing in the middle of the day amidst all the pencil pushing, basket carrying, deceptively (as she (therefore they ('cept for her boys))are) vicious chastising of the day, how to provoke the leviathan with limited methods by which to

5) The real reason to go: deep inside his hard exterior, under his constant smile, cracked from sarcasm, he is devastated that such an old feeble insignificant mistress, with her rag-tag group of uncivilized underlings, has enslaved, shackling what's expected to be - meaning the entirety of those men; McMurphy wishes to see them restored to men (again) and not wrung out husks (; and, of course, refuses to let these men's fate befall him)

Teachers

Education is an issue that requires all the assistance possible to repair it, but the "status" of teachers is completely irrelevant. This country used to be a leader in education, and is now thirteenth (approx.) in rank. The United States is laughed at and hated around the world - improvements in education would help our reputation. The reputations of teachers does not matter when addressing educational issues. The problem lies within the students and the teachers' abilities to reach them, interest them, teach them - not the social standing of teachers. Workers in any occupation will complain about their job; a lineman who decides he is not appreciated enough will refuse to work, equating to darkness, while an under-appreciated teacher will refuse to teach, leaving students ignorant, but still able to make a living, doing the various low-level jobs that need to be done (which would not be such a bad thing, especially since college acceptance rates are dropping). http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2011/03/27/how-to-raise-the-status-of-teachers/let-us-teach I agree with Williams that education would greatly improve if teachers were left to their own devices, able to decide what and how to teach, instead of relying on administrators who have never known anything about the position teachers are in to tell them how high to jump. Teacher A: begins teaching from Chapter 1, going through all the information, terms, questions, unit tests - continues this all year Teacher B: uses the textbook as one resource, calling on other sources to educate their students. Teacher B is clearly the more effective educator, as Teacher A is not a teacher at all - A's method of teaching could be undertaken by the students themselves. B's method of teaching actually requires the teacher's prescence for the students to receive an education.

Gatsby Analysis

Fitzgerald comments on the American way of life, reminiscing about events he couldn't possibly have been present at, evaluating the course humanity has collectively chosen to pursue (by living in and indulging on what this country has to offer). The intentionally evasive way he writes leaves his over-all purpose open to debate. We have left our humanity "somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night." His speaking of the all-natural, beautiful land-mass, landed on and corrupted by the invaders ("the old island here that flowered once for Dutch sailors' eyes..."), leads readers to believe that with the de-naturalization we wreak upon this "new world," converting it into a "great country," such as "Its vanished trees, the trees that had made way for Gatsby's house..." the moon refuses to illuminate us. Our natural satellite, a natural occurence, cannot, will not, brighten the fields of this nation; once teeming with earth-born life -- now devastated by the manipulations man conducts. This, especially, because mankind has learned how to create artificial light (thus, the absence of the moon)(and how to make our own food ("the dark fields" (containing nothing but ourselves))). "A fresh, green breast of the new world" is an opportunity to be profited from in the conniving hands of man. "The inessential houses began to melt away," until the realization that we have indeed corrupted what was once pure becomes clear; inessential because nature is the natural safe haven. "For a transitory enchanted moment man must have held his breath in the prescence of this continent, compelled into an aesthetic contemplation he neither understood nor desired, face to face for the last time in history with something commensurate to his capacity for wonder." The transition man underwent when he arrived to this place was from the classical world of minor crimes to the modern world of death, destruction, pollution -- advanced technology, with which we enslave the world itself. The aesthetic contemplation He (mankind) felt was a wondering of all the changes we could force upon our new home to accomodate for our evolving needs (ridding ourselves of what is no longer required (things natural)). This, long ago, was the last time man will ever be able stare in awe at beauty and possibilities; beauty to be harvested, ripped from whence it came, and possibilities we can create and force upon the ground we stand. We arrived at this country to make a new home, but the advances we have made as a race have blinded us to our true cause (lost long ago because of rapid modernization), leading us to soil the natural beauty, to waste our lives worrying about the trivial. The American Dream is like courting a whore, who was once a marvelous maiden, but has become our sultry harlot, able to suck the life from the tyrants (United Statesians) that made her Her. We fight futilely against what we have created, complaining all the time, never knowing anything -- or why.

"My Wood" Response

disagree with Forster's claim that consumerism corrupts humanity.
the notion that obtaining property causes greed to fester is absurd;
people don't buy things to stay current and ahead of their
"competition" anymore - petty rivalries over what is owned are
hardly prevalent anymore (although it is admittedly present
somewhat what with newer versions of technology being released
every week (and war)), especially with the economy the way it is.
things are bought for survival, comfort and practicality (entertainment,
safety, and so on (GENERALLY genuinely significant reasons)), not to
show up the neighbors. supporting the economy will not turn the majority
into greed driven zombies, bent only on increasing their wealth. money is
indeed what makes the world go round, the mechanism which turns it
being consumerism, the fuel (wealth), the incentive for thinking of and
creating new and better things, improving the lives (of those who can afford it (a "downfall" of the supposed snake in the garden)); currency is exchanged for these innovations, allowing for even more. wielded correctly, consumerism may very well be viewed as a catalyst for true humanity (since we are a (generally) ponderous people); back in Forster's time, though (revolutions in culture, technology, etc.) this tool of mankind quite possibly could have been wielded and swung unjustly, for petty human reasons.

3rd Quarter Reading List

I read two books, the equivalent of six books.

"The Catcher In The Rye" 200 pages (counted as three books)

"DMT: The Spirit Molecule" 358 pages (counted as three books)

"DMT" is about a doctor's attempt at dissecting the unknown parts of life,
DMT acting as a catalyst for these events, the human body
usually the location. Though his book is about ethereal
things, it affects secular things on earth. His experiments the first
DEA approved since the '60's, his revolutionary ideas can be viewed
as either pure conjecture or enlightening. Either way, his theory
on metaphysical, spiritual and bodily matters are quite interesting,
especially those that involve the pineal gland. According to his
thoughts, the pineal gland is indeed the seat of the soul; where
the soul enters and leaves the body, where DMT is manufactured
in the human body, is surrounded by mystery (the origin, its actual
purpose, why it has moved throughout evolution, etc.).

Quotation On Consumerism Response

Advertising signs: they con you into thinking you're the one
That can do what's never been done
That can win what's never been won
Meantime life outside goes on all around you

-Bob Dylan, It's Alright Ma, 1965

those companies that advertise only care for the money obtained from those gullible consumers. actual, real-life life continues in the face of this opressor; if only you can realize the scrubbing of minds THE CORPORATIONS do every day through media sources, you can set yourself free. free from succumbing to the evils of misleading products/campaigns for those products and go outside where all the life continues around you (though more and more rapidly, the life that is going on outsde is growing slimmer and slimmer, more victims of the evils of consumerism)

Reading Journal 4: 2/4

Throughout the story, Holden makes several references to an ex-female friend of his, whom he had liked as a girlfriend but never really did anything with - Jane Gallagher. Every time he thinks of her, he also contemplates giving "...old Jane Gallagher a buzz," but he never does, for one reason or another (always amounting to his being scared to) (Salinger 202). Paranoia about ailments was common back then (the magazine article he reads about hormones and cancer (pages 195-196)) and identification and treatment of those ailments by the afflicted themselves (under supervision/advision) was the norm' (the modern-day health tonics of the late 1800's). Holden admits often that he is crazy; Salinger's almost mythic portrayal of Jane leads the reader to believe that perhaps she is a method of self-medication that he is too timid to pursue.
Salinger, J.D. The Catcher In The Rye. Boston: Little, Brown Books. 1945, 1946, 1951

(pages 201-204) Holden, while writing a letter to Phoebe in her school, notices an obscene statement (rhyming with "truck fume") and thinks about killing the supposed bum who wrote it while cleansing the wall of it. He comes across another statement of condemnation and finds it scratched in the wall (still in the school). Holden, after delivering his letter, goes to the Museum to wait on old Phoebe. Walking down the corridor to the mummies, which was lined with stones from the tomb of a Pharoah, sees yet another "Eff You," "written with a red crayon or something (Salinger 204)." Already extremely depressed and deprived, Holden comments that it is impossible to find a place of peace, for rest, as the world will always ruin the proverbial paradise of secluded narrow passages dead men are shut up in. Salinger explains the intensity of Holden's "manic," shall we say, depression, always qualified by Holden as "sort of," by alluding to the fact that so long as Holden breathes, his mind/shortcomings will prevent any semblance of happiness from staying long.
Salinger, J.D. The Catcher In The Rye. Boston: Little, Brown Books. 1945, 1946, 1951

Holden's little sister is pretty much the only thing he has to live for - his world. When Phoebe reads his letter stating his plan to leave his life behind for the West, she meets him with a suitcase full of clothes, as she wants to accompany him. Holden becomes greatly angered: "I thought I was going to smack her for a second... 'I thought you were supposed to be in a play at school and all,'... I almost hated her. I think I hated her most because she wouldn't be in that play any more if she went away with me (Salinger 206-207)." Holden makes mental plans for her to visit him in his self-built cabin on holidays, as he couldn't live without her in his life. But for the world to follow him in his pursuit of autonomy would defeat his purpose and deprive the world of continuing and enjoying its own revolutions. Phoebe, life incarnate, would prevent him from achieving solitude, his apparent sought after method of self-medication; Holden desires to live a martyr for himself - the most convoluted, perhaps noble, even, cause of all. Phoebe, mad at Holden's denying her her request, "...turned her back on [him]... She can turn her back on you when she feels like it (207)" Yet it is Holden who aspires to leave behind his/the world.
Salinger, J.D. The Catcher In The Rye. Boston: Little, Brown Books. 1945, 1946, 1951

Reading Journal 3: 1/28

While Holden converses with Mr. Antolini, who steers the conversation towards Holden and aspects of his psyche, a prediction of Holden's future (what it may be, hold for him) appears; this future referred to as "...a terrible, terrible fall... (Salinger 186)" The sentences begin: "It may be the kind [of fall] where... Then again you may just pick up enough education to... Or you may end up in... (186)"; informal, inebriated palaver, heard by a youngster's ears, are read through the clouded goggles of matured adolescence that Salinger forces and keeps upon us, through his quite effective methods of story-telling.
Salinger, J.D. The Catcher In The Rye. Boston: Little, Brown Books. 1945, 1946, 1951

While watching the show with Sally, Holden remembers watching "Hamlet" with D.B. and Phoebe. He comments that he got a big bang out of watching "...Ophelia...sort of horsing around with her brother... (Salinger 117)," which was "the best part in the whole picture... (117)" "But you don't see that kind of stuff much..." indicates Holden's love of actors' comfortability to live while performing (117).
Holden also confides that he has to read the play, rather than watch the actors play it out, as he is always distracted by whether or not the players are "...going to do something phony every minute," phony being considered grand acting by others (117).
Salinger, J.D. The Catcher In The Rye. Boston: Little, Brown Books. 1945, 1946, 1951

Reading Journal 2: 1/20

In Chapter 17, Holden, having decided loneliness is too much, and having made a date with an old "girlfriend," Sally, (after watching the show that constituted the date) joins Sally in ice-skating. The struggle to outweighing the fun, they take a break within the bar beside the rink, where she and Holden begin discussing things - not all trivial. On a whim - a method Holden often utilizes in thoughts, actions, feelings - Holden steers the conversation to several topics, beginning with "Did you ever get fed up?" leading to "How would you like to get the hell out of here?" and ending with "You give me a royal pain in the [mule], if you want to know the truth." (Salinger 130, 132, 133) During his ramblings, Sally keeps asking him not to shout - "I wasn't even shouting," - and comments a few times on the fact that Holden makes no sense, though she thinks that mainly because of the blatancy of his conversation, which she mostly drifts through (though usually he doesn't make complete sense because connections he sees and makes are impossible for readers to fully make out): "I don't know what you're even talking about...You jump from one [thing to another]...," "What?... I can't hear you. One minute you scream at me, and the next you [whisper at me]..." (130, 131, 133)
Salinger, J.D. The Catcher In The Rye. Boston: Little, Brown Books. 1945, 1946, 1951.

In Chapter 15, Holden sets up the date with Sally, and encounters two nuns at a deli while killing time. "It isn't important, I know, but I hate it when somebody has cheap suitcases." (Salinger 108) The chapter alternates between his story on suitcases and his conversation with the nuns. Though two completely unrelated things, it seems Salinger was subtley relating the luggage to the Women of Christ. Holden, being well off, carried Mark Cross bags, that "cost quit a pretty penny," while the nuns had "very inexpensive-looking suitcases." ( 108, 108) The comparison, though, is between what is inside the two different containers: in the Mark Cross, petty materialistic things bought with money at the price of the soul (which Holden hints at realizing); in the nuns, genuine spiritualism, peace, a promise of everlasting ecstasy, propelled along by the shell (the body) that seeks money to improve lives and spread the word of God. From then on, a change in Holden occured; nothing really tangible or able to be explained, but he becomes more introverted, searching himself for answers, though his search usually must be provoked (like by Mr. Antolini in Chapter 24).
Salinger, J.D. The Catcher In The Rye. Boston: Little, Brown Books. 1945, 1946, 1951.

Reading Journal 1: 1/13

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is," reading this book is, like, like reading the testament of a teenager who does not know exactly how to get his point across (the '40's male version of a Valley Girl)(Salinger 1). Simple run-on sentences litter the pages, as does "graphic" language and references to things that involve him (talked about as if the feelings, events, etc. are common knowledge); to references only people living in those times will fully comprehend ("...all that David Copperfield kind of crap," - an assumed reference to the long introduction in which Copperfield opens (the "Twilight" of the time))(1). Occuring as often, if not more than, punctuation marks, "and all that," "(it) really does," "I'm not kidding,"' these sayings sometimes make the book tiresome to read. Yet, the story of madness affecting a sixteen-year-old (though funny only half the time, despite several attempts to make light of the situation (though, when funny, you will L.O.L. (not J.K.'ing))), as told from the point of view of the afflicted, written from the pen of a near-thirty-year-old man (written so well and convincingly that those who do not know better may assume it to be a sort of biography), is well worth reading.
Salinger, J.D. The Catcher In The Rye. Boston: Little, Brown Books. 1945, 1946, 1951

Holden Caulfield despises the movies. His brother, D.B., "used to be just a regular writer" but "now he's out in Hollywood... being a prostitute." (Salinger 1, 2) Such a strong label/image for a Hollywood writer. Later in the book, for the details you must read, a confrontation leaves Holden on the ground because of a fist to the gut. The madness is really becoming evident halfway through the book (his imaginings rival the actual event I'm about to divulge, as he sometimes makes a sport of "horsing around") after admitting to being crazy, several times, Holden starts to pretend/act/believe: "[the man he got into a confrontation with put a] bullet in my guts...had plugged me...coming out of the...bathroom with my automatic in my pocket, and staggering around a little bit...I'd hold onto the banister and all, with this blood trickling out of the side of my mouth a little at a time. What I'd do, I'd walk down a few floors - holding onto my guts, blood leaking all over the place...he'd see me with the automatic in my hand and he'd start screaming at me, in this very high-pitched, yellow-belly voice to leave him alone. But I'd plug him anyway. Six shots right through his hairy belly," (21, 103-104). He qualifies this by commenting "The god*** movies. They can ruin you. I'm not kidding." (104)
Salinger, J.D. The Catcher In The Rye. Boston: Little, Brown Books. 1945, 1945, 1951.