Allow Me To Introduce Myself

Braden Allen McBride, born January 4th, '94, in Corpus Christi to be relocated to Tynan then to Batesville, 2000, one sibling, Madison, '97.
throughout my younger years, because of limited exposure to the world, the motivation behind everything was to please the parents, those who provided for and did everything for me (entire baseball career, Boy Scouts, etc.; because of Dad's pushing) (when I was forced to order for myself at a restaurant, that's when my innocence died). it was only in junior high that I realized I am, actually, my own person - holy expletive. still thinking, of course, that parents knew best (as I'm sure their repetition claiming so has 'come true, though their advice often clashes with my mindset/theories/self), continued to enroll myself in the advance classes (english and math only), never really caring but, attributing this to the angst inherent in all of my age group, discovered when I discovered writing and drawing recreationally, doing as best as possible, allowing significant time for laziness, gaming, homies, etc. up to last year, homework was a priority, my future and parental wrath the motivation. It is in high school I burned out. I am interested in the advanced english classes because of the only thing I seem to be remotely good at, I seem to have a remote passion for, is that aforementioned writing, and, therefore (due to the weird logic I've developed) illustrating; I continue in advanced math because I am (I think) genuinely interested (was, at least). I do what's assigned me as best as possible, but stubbornness and lack of caring sometimes prevents this (the delay in getting this homework done due to the fact I couldn't get past the introduction to the book). As any friend of mine will testify to, my greatest aspiration now is to be a bum. Do not let this discourage you of me though; kick me out of the class because of grades if it comes to that, not because of attitude (can't/won't change it until circumstances call for it, if ever (plannin' on having to be slapped HARD by life, inevitable wake-up call, made peace with this, hahaha)).
strengths (perceived): taking orders (unless conflicting with my values, ideals, etc.; even then, I am (sometimes kinda) good at suckin' it up and gettin' it done). writing. sitting. staring. reading (if remotely interested).
weaknesses: flawed perceptions. bad attitude.
humor: favorite media: Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Simpsons, American Dad, Step Brothers, Anchorman, Xavier: Renegade Angel, Squidbillies - warped version of what has become the comedic norm (the excess of mentally challenged commercials (DQ, Old Spice (though O.S. was one of the originals to capitalize on the recently evolved, widespread sense of humor and Bruce Campbell is amazing))
not fishing for pity; being overweight tripled with the bad attitude and my several medical problems (minor scoliosis, required to wear a minor prosthetic in one shoe, (")growing sideways("), dos aortic chambers instead of the anatomically correct three) - stress is derived from anger and, despite being generally laid back, I bottle a lot of intense emotion. trying to address the questions from the relative standpoint of education; the forced technological methods of turning in assignments very easily completed using pen and paper usually provokes murmurs of disgust during class 'tween me and a bro of mine, who will remain nameless for his sake
no dreams or aspirations, really
no nightmares, really - I physically shudder at the site of and it is required of me to distance myself from even the thought or sight of a picture of centi/milli pedes (you know there is a species of one of 'em that will grab a scorpion by the effing tail and dominate it?! noooo thank you)

Top Ten Reads for 2012

Going After Cacciato
Tim O'Brien
1974
352pp
To be clear and established 'thin the first one, I could not get behind the man who wrote the assigned text enough to take much of anything he said seriously. His commentary on this novel, his explanation of the basic plot and the way in which the story unfolds (the catalyst bein' madness) - this book seems like it would appeal ideally to the type of reading I've been wanting to find, no book really grabbing my attention lately. A blend of reality and fantasy, the narrator unable to distinguish between, apparently takes the reader on a fantastic journey and I wanna be a part of it.

Kidnapped
Robert Louis Stevenson
1886
224pp
My grandad, still alive though dead to the world, left my dad a few things apparently meant for me; a spoon and a book among them. I tried to read Kidnapped in elementary, not so successfully, despite there being incredibly simple footnotes within the version I possess. Figured I should go ahead and read it this year, as I will need as well-rounded a mental library as possible, since Treasure Island was quite the (expletive).

Catch-22
Joseph Heller
1961
453pp
From all the descriptions I've read and heard, this book resembles One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, which is, possibly, the best book I've ever read. I attempted to read this book last year and could not follow it, so much going on and constantly introducing new characters. With the aforementioned test waiting for me at the end of this year, though, it would surely be beneficial to have this book in my repertoire, so I shall try again.

The Waste Land
T.S. Eliot
1922
300pp
Last year I "read" Howl by Ginsberg (that is, the majority of it and in the sense that the words were mentally plodded through, not much understanding taking place (I finally realized some of what he was trying to say thanks to James Franco's portrayal)) and, it is in this year, I hope to tackle the greatest poem in English in the 20th century - especially! due to the fact that Eliot understood and invites those ignorant to what he is trying to say to still read him, if not to "just get lost in the words."

On Bullshit
Harry G. Frankfurt
2005
68pp
Oftentimes I feel as though there is indeed an overabundance of the subject matter, infiltrating every aspect of life. I want to read this to be able to validate or change my opinions and just to be able to say I have read such a book. Despite being written by a renown moral philosopher, that species that, unless written in the most convoluted way possible, the title "renown" is inapplicable, it can't be too hard to read a book barely over 50 pages.

The Crying of Lot 49
Thomas Pynchon
1966
152pp
Again, because I could not get interested in the book the man wrote, I do not put much into his opinions. However, in the pursuit of anything different, to broaden my horizons, why I very seldomly read anything written before 2000, the apparently challenging text, though no doubt enough to put me off reading it 'fore I can even get it started, as I am a bit of a spark plug, seems attractive enough to me and

Breaking Open the Head: A Psychedelic Journey into the Heart of Contemporary Shamanism
Daniel Pinchbeck
2002
336pp
Having "read" DMT: The Spirit Molecule (only so much can be absorbed without medical training), originally reserving this spot for one of the more "deep" books of Huxley, this volume grabbed my attention more, as "the best part of this book is the message that really gets driven home to the heart of who we are, the potential of what we have yet to learn about ourselves, something humankind has barely scratched the surface of-- which he saves for the few chapters toward the end," a quote from a reader that seems to hit nearer the head than any other comment on a book I've thus far found of what I long for in literature/knowledge/etc. (refusing to be yet another pawn in the secular, meaningless crapfest life has apparently become)

The Wisdom of the Knowing Ones: Gnosticism: The Key to Esoteric Christianity
Manly P. Hall
2000
170pp
Turning more and more from the countless reruns of the cartoons I so adore to the channels of Science, Discovery, History, a program on the lost books of the Bible grabbed my attention and revealed to me the existence of Gnosticism. The corruption that apparently exists within orthodox Christianity today having sprouted waay back in the attempted eradication of Gnosticism leads me to think that Gnosticism may be the more righteous denomination since it was targeted because of politics, something religion should not be remotely involved with. In my self-proclaimed quest for enlightenment/self-realization/whatever other label my confused psyche wants to put to it, this seems to be a milestone worth stopping at.

Watership Down
Richard Adams
1972
494pp
One of the best movies of all time, if not THE, "Donnie Darko," places heavy emphasis on this story, apparently because of the deeper meaning, as, from what I've heard, this is not a story to be read as it is written - the rabbits are us, for example - though mainly because of Donnie's "friend" Frank. I want to read this to get more from the movie and, of course, to dabble in different genres in different times in different themes in preparation.

Siddhartha
Herman Hesse
1922
152pp
One of my brothers (a homie of mine whom I love) who recently dropped out of school read this and said I should so I'm inclined to believe him as we influenced each other quite significantly. A(expletive)gain, this story of rejecting your birthright, refusing to go the course wished of you for some sort of higher purpose appeals to me and, as I can't stand modern writing and must make trouble for myself in trying to read older works that may be over my head, has filled the final spot in what I wish to read this year.

Reading Assignment VII

What does the story signify? Haha, life and the components of that most touched Laura and company, what is any story about? Mentioned several times throughout, shone in her meeting with the workingmen, evident in her struggle and questioning with her like-minded family and herself, those "absurd class distinctions," once realized to be (one of) the governing force(s) of one's life, will, of course, begin to be questioned and dissected, diagnosing the self with a(n) (semblance of) identity. Sometimes feelings are just that, fleeting moments/sensations of emotion, to be validated or rejected by the self or the trusted ones. Why mess with what's in no need of repair? There's no denying the real world, but when the only connections 'tween it and yourself are as tenuous as those over-exposed photographs in newspapers, when it hardly concern or want/need you, what's the point in approaching it at the (ironic) cocktail party of life? Why break from comfortability to try, probably futilely, awkwardly, to converse with one who has no interest in you until circumstances are such that you two are forced to become acquainted, possibly through those newspapers? Ah, life, captured and symbolized in all those details coming before and sprinkled throughout the "actual" elements of the story; so complex and beautiful; perception affects every thing.
The thought of and then the hesitation to share the lillies, because of potential wardrobe malfunctions, unacceptable, with those in need; executed because of that class distinction. Far-fetched enough that these snobs from atop the hill feel pity enough to bring the scraps from their day of pleasure to those in, now, total poverty (as I'm certain the widow was a home-maker (...because of the time period)), to brighten the wake with greedy flowers, poaching all attention and affection, that's crost the line. Mrs. Sheridan realizes this, as Laura does on her journey. What's to be done? The real world often divides itself according to the population. Realizing, understanding where the proverbial DMZ ends and crossing it, to trek into a brave new world cautiously, these are two different things, the latter a thing unable to be asked of those such as Laura.

the hesitation to party or not, broken by the "laughter" of the other members
the comparisons to the "bird-dom" of the privileged was duly noted, unable to be applied to those in poverty as it was thought the lifestyle allowed the richies to transcend to the "external beauty of angels on earth" though it was thought that those at the bottom of the hill were also "birds," but trapped in their own bodies, unable to fluorish, wings clipped because of circumstances, environment
A lot of what was explained in detail by those "scholars" I alluded to, said without saying, got the same point across, putting much more detail in other factors - a perceived "fault" with my writing for which I surely pay in assessments others make of me, based on nothing more than a fragment of writing

The comparison 'tween the two heroines validates my ideal that this was a story of self-realization, so maturity. The fertility part was lost on me until revealed (a teenage boy who does not see sex in everything as this adult professor does, wow) but yes, this sound comparison confirmed some of my thinking and enlightened me on some other aspects.

Reading Assignment VI (Chapter 21)

Archetype: a form of cliche so different from the standard forms in which this occurrence (usually) manifests (a black cat crossin' the street 'fore your eyes) that, rather than the feeling of ironic nausea, as common with cliche, a feeling of significance, in a number of ways, accompanies the realization of; generally, what gives the feeling of significance of an archetype, that without the certain presentation of, would be just another cliche, surely, is that presentation, the language of the author in conveying that which slightly resembles past pieces of the story, that which, somewhat because of this, grabs our attention so "The Eyes of the Dragon," a sort of prequel to the Dark Tower, reflects so significantly the basic fairy tale outline that, of course, the original archetype cannot be established. A king is murdered, a mage plots, a prince is wrongfully accused and convicted, sentenced to reside in, haha, a huge, nondescript tower. So well does this book call upon these cliches, while retaining a pretty original story, that those cliches are made exponentially more powerful to the reader; archetypes are nothing more than an author embedding material unoriginal in their own works, daring readers to recognize and make connections.


A lightning bolt that dominates the forehead, rests atop rounded spectacles, surveying all, utilizing the attractive force of "DIFFERENT" being screamed in all viewer's heads, despite the renowned etiquette of British society. The origin of this stigma, if remembered correctly, was from the confrontation with Voldemort while he was an infant, this depriving him of his parents and creating for him a stalker, a Goliath to be faced later, preparation for which prepared and enacted for him by the sympathetic administration of his school. All those he comes across are mesmerized by that scar, an incredibly powerful force of nature manifest on a young man's face, a young man able to tap into, for lack of a better word, the supernatural. An adolescent's transformation to an adult, all the while knowing from being informed by others that he is indeed destined for greatness; being a children's series, certain subtleties and methods of writing would be inapplicable - hence the quite apparent abnormality, in no way debilitating, not too repulsive; again, destined for greatness, different, significant, Harry Potter (this amazing scar cancelling out the plain-ness of his name).

Reading Assignment V (Chapter 17)

In a great number of older movies, the cliche was established to show a couple before a fire on a bearskin rug getting ready to get busy; just before actual action, the camera pans to the drapes.
This, while insulting to the expectant perverts (Peewee) in the audience, who are then turned off (of the story) and are no longer invested, justifies the films' being called "romance" and not "porno," and deeply impacts the participants, the woman getting clingy and the man getting angry, taking it out on bowling pins, only to reconcile later, having learned about gender differences and love.

Reading Assignment IV (Chapter 14)

Frankenstein (pulled details from story, not specific source)

1) not crucified, burned in a windmill; no noticeable, significant wounds in the appendages, but all limbs wounded... because they're dead

2) constant agony; justification for why he sounds so heartbreakingly constipated - angry at no relief

3) according to the most recent "Van Helsing" movie, he sacrificed a painful escape, a continuation of torment to be with his recently dead daddy

4) hahaha... if they would ever approach, he'd want them to touch his face and smile - be comforted

5) bad with fire, so good with water; with his life and body as it is, if he thought to, I'm sure he'd be good with wine; big man, so good with food (presumably)

6) the combined ages of his parts probably equaled to a multiple of 33

7) not applicable

8) when is he ever known to move any way other than by stumbling and hobbling?

9) depending on the time of creation, 1800 or 2222, he could walk through water with ease

10) yes

11) yes

12) "alive" in a living hell... yes

13) his daddy was a graverobber

14) inspiration for many metaphors, similes, slurs

15) dug up to achieve "life" in, let's say, three days (lotta prep work to actually MAKE a zombie)

16) not applicable

17) very angry... first step to being forgiving

18) came to show true humanity isn't always pretty

Reading Assignment III (Chapter 11)

Authors craft contenders, build the arena, and let what may come come, sometimes provoking, sometimes not. In "A Clockwork Orange," Alex, thinking his henchmen got his back, commences to terrify the lone woman whose house they have trespassed to, cat-and-mousing 'til he kills her; not that this bit of violence affects him too much, but the shock of what has happened, the feeling of unease that the easily eluded, therefore irritated, law is on the way, coupled with his debilitation, at the chain of Dim no less!, though the tension was clear for all to viddy. So Alex kills, so Burgess can justify his being sent to prison, his volunteering for a radical new rehabilitation method (though there is no justification for Kubrick's raping of the story, apparently allowed by Burgess, though he is remorseful of it) - to allow for the story to have multiple Parts instead of One; the serial killer in "The Alienist" works according to an oblong set of cogs arranged and energized by Carr. In "1984," Winston, enjoying the company of "his woman" as often as possible in the squalid hovel, second floor, designated "penetration point," "bush boulevard," (reference to the film, ewwy, apologies) is suddenly thrust into the maw of everyone's sadistic elder sibling, his love assaulted in front of then taken away from him; though her "death" may not be absolute, when he is told it is, it is very real to the completely broken, currently tortured pseudo-martyr and it is an act of malice plotted and executed by Orwell that begins Winston's crag-filled fall, him being flung from the "peace" he had fathomed by a flick of the quill. Kesey's hero in OFOtCN is strangled by the narrator, out of mercy in context of the story, actually out of an understanding by Kesey that to have a "happy ending," sometimes the disciple must calmly relieve the guru - to enhance the freedom gained by Chief, felt by all the boys, living or not (as an Indian, he gained a few more spirit guides through the climax).